My voice is too deep. The hair where I need it is missing.I need to put makeup and look pretty, not like someone whois trying to pass. And if I try to pass I might get beat upby someone who believes he is a ?real? man. Or I might justbe lucky enough just to get a snide remark. I need to bewith woman as a woman, not a freak. And if I need to go tothe restroom in a public place it is with a sister or agirlfriend. I need to be with a man as his woman and knowthat he is or will be the father of my babies.I feel that hurt and anger. It is because I was born withthat genetic defect that said I should be playing with gunsand trucks instead of dolls and jewelry. Part of me neededto rebel and wear that dress but part of me said not tohurt anyone else so be what I appear to be even though thatgenetic defect eventually changed me in ways that wasdifferent from what I would have liked my body to change.I also feel the hurt and anger of others. Some of usconstantly lash out way out of proportion. ” “I just didn’t think you would want me around anymore.” “Oh stop being such a drama queen.” That drew an awkward look from pretty much everyone in the room. “What? Too soon?” I don’t know who started laughing first but it wasn’t long before everyone had the giggles. It was just the ice breaker the room needed. “Look, Neil, You and I are good friends regardless of any of this. So we don’t make each other feel awkward trying to be lovers any more. That’s no reason to ruin a good friendship or make each other suffer financially. I’m mature enough to deal with you having a few guys around provided you are ok with extending me the same courtesy.” I couldn’t help but suddenly feel jealous at the thought of Sarah having other guys around. How far things have gone in one day I thought. I was delighted to have Sarah expose herself to others, in fact it turned me on immensely, but the thought of her being with another man intimately or worse, in a relationship, filled me with cold dread. What.
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